who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
