I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
