i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
