The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
