I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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