when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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