Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
