i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
