If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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