Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
