I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
