There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Randomize
