hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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