The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
