God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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