puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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