Will you blow on my dice?
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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