do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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