Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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