Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
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