I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
