after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
