Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize