I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
