If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I think I sprained my soul last night
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
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