First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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