Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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