I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
