Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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