lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
