This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
