Do you still have your period?
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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