In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I have fence marks all over my body
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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