Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
