Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Randomize
