Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
