When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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