That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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