she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
