she woke up with a sticky ear
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
pray to the hookup gods
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
