I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
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