1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Help. Why am I so naked?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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