My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
