I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
