She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
