I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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