dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
