Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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