the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
