I got chris browned last night
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
