I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
