i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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