i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
