Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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