Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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