Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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