guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Randomize
