I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
