I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I understand Curling. That high.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
