My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize