when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
