wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
So much Jack, so little girl.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
