i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
