Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
