I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Come share oat with me in your robe
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
