I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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