whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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