dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
