you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
