So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Randomize
