is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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