At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
